Father

I have spent a few days pondering this message because I needed to understand it myself. In being prayerful about a conversation I had intended to have with my son and wanting to make sure that I used the right words. I mean, sadly even in my day-to-day I critic the words coming out of my own mouth. Just want to make an experience out of every moment with my words. But anyway, I got a word in my heart that put it all into perspective for me. So there have been a few doors that have opened and some gifts that have been given to me in the past few weeks. Some amazing and wonderful experiences that I have been blessed to share with some of the most amazing people in the world. I am amazed and stand in awe of a God who can love me in spite of myself. Keep me protected. Also take the time to gift me in the midst of my mess. I wonder how that even makes sense, but it doesn’t. His ways are above ours as are his thoughts. So I digressed and listen because Father knows best.

The Lord started by taking me out of my current manifestation and placed me in the beginning of a previous manifestation. He showed me how far I have come and though the distances seemed so far off, looking back it wasn’t so bad. All that to say that God knows my beginning and my end, including all points in between. I can direct myself in the paths I travel and find myself losing track or getting off course, but the Father has the ability to see it coming. He gives me guidance and like a natural child, I hear and often disobey; but the Father still loves me. Sometimes I get out of line and the Father has to punish me or deal with me harshly, but I bring it on myself. But only because he loves me. Only because the Father desires for me to have the best and I go around settling for less. I have some amazing people in my life from all walks. I can fit into any setting and converse on any (Real) topic. I have experienced and been through so much in this life that has caused me to allow my focus to go from bad to worse. I have been in some incredible situations and never stopped communicating, but kinda half listened and found myself off track. But the Father loves me. I know Romans 8:39 says that nothing can separate us from His Love, but I have done some things that make me not love me. Which is the real problem anyway, but that is another topic that I will only touch on to say this: The Father loves us and only wants to bless us, but we don’t see ourselves as worthy to receive because of our limited understanding of love.

I was led to the parable about the Prodigal Son. I spent so much time relishing in what it must have been like to find yourself go from the top of the social ladder to finding yourself in places that poor people wouldn’t walk through. How humble he had to become to realize that if I apologize and ask to be lessor that who I am, my father might have mercy enough to make me a servant. Only to find out that the Father never saw him as less and blessed and gifted him with his best after he squandered his early inheritance. So I was going to take a shower with this on my mind and I could still feel it in my spirit. I closed my eyes and I wiped my body with just my hands and I could see and feel the mess that he had to wash off after spending time in the hog pens. It looked and felt like sludge as I continued to wash. But I wanted to present myself as best I could to my Father is what I am thinking must have been on the son’s mind as he was cleaning himself preparing to go to see his Father. Wanting to look and appear his best before him. I grabbed my shampoo to was my hair and as I did so I heard in my spirit, “Clean that crown.” I began to feel liberated and free just by getting clean. I felt alive from what I was feeling must have covered the body of this young man for an undisclosed amount of time.  Now he was clean again. He went through the process of purging his body of filth, odor and anything that might offend his Father. Practiced his speech because he wanted it to be perfect when he said it to his Father.

Funny thing happened though and for all of his preparation, it was as though the Father didn’t even hear it. Because I realized it wasn’t the words that drove the Father to compassion, adoration and blessing of his son; it was his coming. The Father already knew what it took for him to come home because he was of the Father and the Father understood his son. So I step back to the Lord showing me the beginning of a previous chapter of my life that from the beginning looking so far away, but here I stand at the end of one chapter and beginning a new one. Starting off better because the last chapter was about humility. I have been living a life of so much less than I have been used to in my life. I have gone without the simple things in my life. But I found appreciation for a few other things. I focused on some things I had put on hold. I looked in the mirror and said that it is going to get better. It has to get better. I began to be better. To do better. In the midst of what seemed like the worst chapter of my life. I did it, reluctantly at first, but I did it. I helped others when I was able. I didn’t do as much of what I used to do when I was just trying to get through. I spent time remembering who I was and what I desire in life. I spent time working on relationships. I grew up and put away a few childish things. I stayed hopeful when it seemed and felt hopeless. I didn’t give up. I didn’t allow my pride to keep me down. I embraced who I am and what I believe. I admitted I don’t know, but I trust you Lord. Here I am, after God brought me out. Evolved.

So how did all of this come from a question about wanting help talking to my son to ensure he will always talk to me when he needs me. Well, I realized in the conversation the Spirit was having with me was me facing me and realizing that I am not an ideal son myself at times. Not that mine isn’t, he is a great child thank God. But the message in my spirit had to do not so much with everything God has done for me and all the things I have experienced; it had to do with no matter where my life is or what wrong I have done, I can always go to my Father. He is always there for me through the good and the bad. He wants to bless me and often I fall short and don’t think I am worthy. However, I trust Him enough to know that he will be there. That is what I needed to share with my son: No matter what, I am here for you. If you just need to talk or even if you are in trouble. I will be right here waiting for you to give you my best. Because you are my son and I love you more than mere words could ever express. It also taught me that giving should be from your best, so I am no longer giving less than my best to all my loved ones. It is time for some of us to turn and talk to the Father. Time to clean ourselves up a little and go home. Time for us to humble ourselves so our Father may bless us as he desires and sees fit. ~Blessings